Boy Or Girl
>> Thursday, 7 May 2009
Do you want another boy or a girl?
I hated answering this question ever since I told people that my wife was pregnant again.
There is something inherently sexist about this question, it implies that one gender has a higher value than other. It doesn't.
Boys and Girls are just as valuable as each other, just as special.
All I want is a child that's healthy and I don't need to be wiping his/her drool away when they are 20 years old. I just don't want a cripple.
The next time you have a friend tell you that they are expecting a child, think for a moment before you ask "Do you want a boy or a girl?" and consider the implications.
6 comments:
"I just don't want a cripple"...what a cruel and insensitive remark.
No one wants a cripple or to be one, but a human is a human.
If your baby was a "cripple" what would you do? Chuck it away?
All human life is precious. Just because it doesn't fit your idea of perfection doesn't mean it's any less worthy.
What about the 1000's of baby girls that are aborted in India and China for the imperfection of being female?
But yes, my wife and I had discussed the possibility of what to do should the foetus be diagnosed with Down Syndrome or the like. Our mutual decision was to abort.
The idea of bringing a child into this world that we would have to look after until we die and then to worry about it's care after we die is something we don't want to deal with.
Though it's unlikely to be a factor for us as we are both young and healthy. The risk of birth defects increases with age, specifically when the mother is no longer in her prime child bearing years. 25-35. All eggs have a shelf life.
My mum's brother, my uncle, is mentally retarded. It's a defect gene that runs through the male side of our family.
When Yasu and i decided to start a family we decided to look into it. I had my blood tested and sent to labs in America by a genetic scientist, and then they found how the gene is passed through the family.
Long before that, Yasu and I both came to the conclusion that a life is a life, no matter what it looks like, how smart it is, and if it's disabled or not.
It would still be our flesh and blood and we would love it the same as if it was not disabled. We won't have any problems genetically, and I probably won't get tested for down syndromes if I get pregnant.
Also, alot of people bleat on about the shelf life of eggs, but these days women in their late 30-s to 40's and beyond are getting pregnant naturally and unnaturally, and I don't have a problem with that at all, considering I am 31 and still trying to conceive.
I am actually seeing in Australia alot more first time mums in their 40's than 20 somethings.
Back to the topic though, I'm not talking about the thousands of children aborted because of gender, yes, indeed that is a shame and I would say the same thing to any of those, and yes it is a personal choice whether you want to give birth to a disabled child. The thing is that the way you said it makes me think that if it's not perfect you don't want it.
I wouldn't take my uncle back at all, he's a total gem and he has a lot of character. I love him, and so does my family. If my grandma had aborted my uncle because she knew he was disabled, we would have missed out on a great human being.
I really feel sorry for people who look down on others because of sex/race/financial status/intelligence and disability.
It takes all sorts of people to make up this world, who knows what joy an baby, perfect or not can bring?
For me and my personality type, I can't imagine a disabled baby bringing any joy into my life.
If you are prepared to raise a disabled child and prepare for it's care after you have left this mortal coil, good for you. We aren't.
While you wouldn't have aborted him, we would. Your choice / our choice. Hence the importance of discussing such important issues before marriage.
Anyway, if you want to conceive, make sure you are taking folic acid for at least a month before trying. Also both of you need to cut out smoking, alcohol & other drugs.
My wife occasionally complains that it's another 2 years without wine for her. For me, I'm drinking Suntory "The Straight" as I type this. My "work" is done, though I have to go to work tomorrow....
I realise that your opinion is different to mine and that is what makes such a good discussion.
I'm not trying to convert anyone here.
Yeah, I already take folic acid. And i don't smoke, do drugs, or drink (maybe once a month a small chuuhai) but that's the extent of it.
I've always had problems in the ovary dept. so that's my main problem but I keep plugging away.
:)
Do you think because of social stigma there are less disabled children being born in Japan than other countries?
You know what? More annoying and "Mukatsuku" way of question that I am asked so frequently? That's "When do you have your baby?" or "No baby yet?" Questions like this just drive me furious! There are people who cannot get babies, and that's my business. This trend is common especially when we go away from big city.
I just have no idea how to cope with such people...So to me boy or girl sounds better. :)
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